Suthunuhs! (Southerners)
Southerners know their vacation spots:
the beach
the rivuh
the crick
They know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah
Southerners KNOW their religions:
Bapdiss
Methdiss
Football
Cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
the mall
the country club
the beauty salon
And southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
having bad hair and nails
having bad manners
cooking bad food
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and conniption fit -
and that you don't 'have' them, you 'pitch' them. (And my staff 'sho do know how to pitch bof of 'em!)
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up 'a mess'
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of 'yonder'
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long 'dreckly' is - as in 'going to town, be back dreckly' (translation: directly)
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis they also know to add a large banana puddin'!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between 'right near' and 'a right far piece.' They also know that 'just down the road' can be 1 mile or 20. (I learned this 'just down the road' measurement when I was looking for a place to stay! And I learned it the hard way... let's just say that more than one of my neighbors has seen 'that nothunuh in the whaat car' looking confused in a parking lot along Rt 119).
Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn! (HELLO!)
A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb or an adverb. (this makes the college professor in me twitch! or perhaps i'm fixin' to pitch a fit!)
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines - and when they're 'in line' they talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural.
When you hear someone say, 'Well, I caught myself lookin'' you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say 'bless her sweet little heart' and go your own way.
There ain't no magazine named 'Northern Living' for good reason. There ain't nobody interested in livin' up north, nobody would buy the magazine!
And the email closed with this note... Now Shugah, tell all this to someone who was raised in the South, or wishes they had a'been. If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.
I can never express to you the level of truth in this - and how much more amusing this place has become now that I know some of the language!!!
travelin' on,
ess jay
